When the World Comments… But You Learn to See Yourself Clearly

Recently, one of my cousin’s daughters got her menarche.

It was beautifully celebrated—grand, joyful, almost like a wedding or a housewarming.

We all went, we celebrated, we smiled.

But a few days later, when I visited them again…

I noticed something.

She had become quiet.

At first, I thought—

Maybe it’s because of this new phase.

Maybe it’s because guests are around.

But then I saw something in her eyes.

The way she was looking at other girls… other women…

And I paused.

Because I knew that look.

I have been there.

It was a mix of emotions—

Admiration.

Comparison.

Wonder.

And somewhere… a quiet shrinking.

She wasn’t just silent.

She didn’t want to be noticed.

And that worried me.

Because I knew exactly what that meant.

When I spoke to her parents, I understood—

She had already been bullied.

For her color.

For her body.

And what worried me even more…

Was how it was being handled.

They told her—

“If you study well, become successful, get a good career… then all this won’t matter.”

And I felt…

No.

That is not the answer.

Because you don’t need to become successful to feel worthy.

You need to feel worthy… as you are.

I couldn’t say much at that moment.

But inside, I knew—

I don’t want her to go through what I went through.

Because I have been there.

The comments.

The comparisons.

The body shaming.

The color shaming.

Especially for many of us…

90s kids…

This was almost normalised.

And I really hope—

The coming generations…

Gen Z, Gen Alpha…

Are handled with more awareness.

More kindness.

More understanding.

But still…

I felt like writing this.

What I Learned About My Own Body

There was a time I was very underconfident.

Acne.

Hyperpigmentation.

Hormonal issues.

Weight gain.

I constantly felt—

“I’m not pretty enough.”

“I’m not beautiful enough.”

Even after losing weight…

When I looked in the mirror—

I still saw the same chubby version of me.

And then I realised—

This is not reality.

This is a trauma response.

A response built from years of comments.

From people who made me feel like my body was something to fix.

Then I started noticing something deeper.

My body changes.

During ovulation—

I feel tired.

My face looks puffy.

Acne appears.

After that—

It settles.

During periods—

Again, puffiness.

Inflammation.

Weight fluctuations.

And then again…

It shifts.

It’s a cycle.

A physiological cycle.

And I accepted it.

Skin, Care, and Reality

I take care of my skin.

I hydrate well.

I follow a routine.

Vitamin C.

Occasional peels.

But I also learned—

Skincare is personal.

Not everything works for everyone.

It took me time, trial, and error to understand what works for me.

And that is enough.

The Day I Chose Experience Over Appearance

I love participating in marathon events.

5K, 10K… just being part of it makes me happy.

Once, after my first 10K, I posted a picture.

I was proud.

And someone commented—

“You look so tanned… don’t you take care of your skin?”

And surprisingly…

It didn’t affect me.

Because I knew—

If I go under the sun, I will tan.

That’s natural.

And I chose that experience.

I chose that joy.

So yes…

The tan will come.

And it can be taken care of.

But the experience?

That matters more.

The Same Body… Different Days

Some days, I look more puffy.

Some days, I look leaner.

Some days, I have acne.

Some days, my skin is clear.

But I am the same person.

That hasn’t changed.

And that’s when I understood—

Physical appearance changes.

According to cycles.

Seasons.

Energy.

But the person remains.

The Most Important Realisation

One day, I realised something very simple.

It is a beautiful feeling…

To not be affected by comments.

And that doesn’t come from ignoring the world.

It comes from knowing yourself.

From building a relationship with yourself.

Not the outer version.

But the inner one.

Because beauty is not about:

Fair skin.

Clear skin.

Perfect body.

It is about:

Health.

Alignment.

Self-connection.

Mental health matters.

Emotional health matters.

You don’t have to become successful to be accepted.

You have to accept yourself.

And not just your appearance—

But the person you are.

What I Wish We Taught Instead

Instead of saying—

“Be successful, then it won’t matter.”

We should say—

👉 “You are already enough.”

Instead of focusing on appearance—

We should focus on awareness.

Because self-awareness…

Is what protects you.

From falling into the trap.

From believing everything said to you.

From shrinking yourself.

My Truth

I truly believe this—

Your relationship with yourself…

That is your beauty standard.

And once you build that—

No comment…

No comparison…

No judgment…

Can take that away from you.